dear brad,
i used to like you a lot. you were married to a (seemingly) nice and beautiful woman and you were very well kept making you rather attractive. you were even funny in movies. when you left jen my hollywood respect for you dropped to -29. i was not happy. then, to make matters worse (which i couldn't imagine happening after you left gorgeous jen), you really really let yourself go.
i beg you, please lose the goatee. and those beads? ridiculous. you look like a hobo and no one, i mean no one, likes it.
please change. we (i speak for all of america) want the old brad back.
semi-sincerely,
rachel e.
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